Emotionally draining mths..

How's things for me?
Work is going on great..
Busy busy.. But i love my job..
Shld be thankful abt that.
Doing half in/out-patients can be kinda tiring..
Weird.. Since all i do for out-patients is sit around n i dont have to be in the wards or transfer patients. But i guess its more tiring cuz the patients flows in continously and there is no 'personal time' to breathe at times. Whereas in the wards, its own time own target..
Finished my presentations last 2wks..
I have to say that im a lazy procrastinating arse.. haa..
Did it super last min n started whining about being stressed..
Felt so ashamed when i had to have my seniors helping me find journal articles.
HAHAHHAA... i was taken aback but yet.. Very Very appreciative of that gesture.
I shld buck up more.. *shld*..
Yet i hate research.. haa...

Personal life? Nothing much nor interesting to report.
Being so tired out frm work at times, all i wanna do is rest n sleep..
Im happy being alone often times.
Happy just hanging out on my own.

Dad's not well.. Scheduled for his Heart Op this mth.. On the 23rd.
It all came so fast.. Too fast in fact.
Went to see the Cardiologist, after all the tests.. He had to go for the Op.
After seeing the Cardiothoracic Surgeon, the op he had to go for suddenly went up one major rank higher..
It's an op that's very risky and the chances of complications are higher as compared to the initial op we thout he had to undergo.
Worried? I sure am.
Scared? Not feeling it now. Yet.
When i asked dad after the doc's appt, was he scared.. He kept silent.
Stupid of me.. I m sure he is.
Currently, the whole family is being very positive.
N im glad.. Even my extended family is showing the support.
Thank God for a supportive extended family.. Maternal.. of crse.

I feel stressed.. Been looking thru and reading up on the Operation he has to undergo.
For once, im searching for Journal articles and reading up more..
Being in the medical line, i m very very aware of the risks and possible complications.
At times, i worry.. Did i make the right choice?
Shld i have delayed the operation and adopt a 'watch-and-see' approach instead?
Maybe wait for the symptoms to appear before i rush headlong into such a risky operation..
Yet im also aware that, if we dont do the operation now..
When it turns symptomatic, the symptoms will and may develop exponentially.
By then, doing an operation at such a state, would lower the success rate and increase the risk of complications.
Being the only one at hme that understands medical terms better and all, im naturally the one handling most of the issues and deciding. I'm naturally the spokesperson.
Yet many a times.. When im alone, esp lately, as the operation date draws near..
I question myself.. N i worry..
But i cant show it out or it'll just make my own family more worried..
If im flustered, they will be more flustered..
I have to be stronger..

Being more positive.. Looking more positive..
Taking it lightly or looking like im not too bothered by it all..
Keeps my spirits up.. Laughing more and being busy working.. Takes my mind off it.

All i want this yr for my Bdae.. Is for dad to recover and recuperate fast..
N be discharged safe and well from the hospital, home in time for my bdae..
That's my wish..
My only and best bdae gift.

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This yr.. has been a yr fraught with very emotionally tryin/draining events.
Often thou, i thank God for the way i m.. The support i have from frens around me..

With all that happened, im also starting to ponder on who are my 'true frens'..
Pple who i think r very close and who i'm always there for/just a call away..
R they really that close and care for me? Or have i been taken for granted by again..
hmmm....
One thing i knw myself.. I will nve be too busy for a fren,when needed.