A heavy heart... N Tribute to my bestest budd..

Flying off tmr.. N as i woke up this morning, i already felt this heavy panicky feel.. Cuz my mind is already racing and trying to think abt what else i need to settle, what i need to do, what i need to buy still etc etc etc...
Spent the whole of ystday out meeting up with frens & settling some matters.. N reaching hme at 4am, i shld feel tired this morning.. BUT anxiety is piling and thus i think i'd better get my arse moving... Still have quite a few things not done..

I am gonna really really miss someone.. N ironically, this person is the one person that i let down 2yrs ago. Smth i nvr really say out.. But this guy is the one & only guy that has ( in my opinion) probably loved me most devotely in all my yrs alive (cept for my dad of crse..), silently stayed by my side with no demands, been there for me all these while regardlessly.. N yet is also the one i hurt most by turning him down..
Our frenship was at stake once.. when the truth of his feelings came out and it was smth i could not reciprocate.. We distanced ourselves and it was smth tt i regretted deeply losing..
BUT thankfully, this frenship was regained after abt 1/2 a yr...
N now, we are both great buddies again... With out the past feelings remaining..
I have been meeting him up often before i fly..
And last nite, as we said goodbye.... tears flowed.. hahahahaa....
He's probably gonna be the only guy i will miss sorely.. besides my family.

I m getting emotional.. As the time to hop onto the airplane nears.. hee..

This buddy of mine, i would say, looks like someone fierce and a bully etc..
But he's the one guy i knw tt has a lovely heart.. N who cares alot for me.
Im so gonna miss this fren of mine, all the late nites cruising along the roads, sitting at different coffeeshops hearing each other rattle abt life, him drinking & smoking while im pigging away at some plate of food..
What more can anyone ask for in a fren??
Why would i be writing a tribute to this fren.. BUT not to others..

Reasons being...
I have spent probably more hrs talking to him and sharing abt myself with him, than probably with any of my bfs..
He has nvr failed to be there for me, when i need him..
He was there for me during my saddest moments.. comforting me as i cry buckets n flood his car with tissues..
He was there for me when i had smth happy to yell abt..
He was someone who understood my work, understood my passion for my job..
Someone who i spoke to abt things tt i nvr speak to, even to my closest galfrens..
Someone who i can debate with all the time n share really unusual topics..
Someone i can sit n talk with for 5 hrs straight, n it seemed like we still had loads to talk abt..
Someone who always brought me to eat whatever i craved for in the middle of the nite..
Someone who asked for little but was there totally for me..
He was someone who nvr failed to cheer me up when i was down..Always making me laugh while tears were still in my eyes...
Someone who accepted me totally for who i was.. bad & good..

Some may say.. if he's such a wonderful fren.. why are we not together...
hahahahaa..........
Reason being... At that point in time, i felt no spark..
Besides, i nvr want to ruin such a great frenship by being in a relationship..
N i knw that we are so happy together as the demands of a relationship is not there..
N our characters & goals in life, kinda clash.. heehee..
Besides, he has found himself a girl he is happy with..
N due to that, that was one of the reason tt we became frens again..
As i no longer felt the guilt and responsibility of his feelings... hahahaaha...
Aint i selfish? This is the only person tt i was a tad bit more selfish with..
Probably cuz i knw he will always be there for me.. hahahaa...

Well.. Guess this departure is smth that has made me realise who are the pple that i will really miss and who means alot to me in my life..
Pple who really cared for me.. N who will miss me when im gone..
Thanks guys for all the lovely farewell gifts, hugs and dinners..
I will miss u guys alot..